The Perfect Popsicle, AkuRoku Style!
by Onirei Kirara
Summary: Roxas is always ignoring Axel..so Axel finds a way to 'grab his attention'. Expect epic quests. AxelRoxas, some SaixDemyx. [Rated to be safe]


**Alrighty, here's the skinny. Sqiggles and I have this whole 'perfect popsicle' Kingdom Hearts thing going on, which is really just an excuse to write pervy stuff involving popsicles. Surprisingly, this came out with a plot too. Actually, it's more plot then perv. Darn my blushy-ness. But it was uber-fun to write! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the Organization XIII members, sadly. :(**

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**Do you think that maybe Roxas had always liked Sea-Salt ice cream?**

"_Wh-at_ is that you're eating?" Axel asked dubiously, leaning backwards against the alley wall behind him. "That's a freaky looking popsicle. All square."

"It's not a popsicle," Roxas replied flatly from his seated position on the floor. "It's ice cream."

"So, you mean it's all soft?" Axel frowned. "I never did like ice cream. It always melted too fast."

Roxas didn't say anything; he just sat there licking his frozen confection with disinterest.

"Hey Roxas, do you know what the perfect popsicle is?"

Roxas shrugged.

"It's the ones on a stick, you know? That you have to break in half because if you don't they look stupid with two sticks sticking out of the bottom?"

"What?" Roxas raised an eyebrow. "That's a bizarre description. But I know what you're talking about."

"And do you know _why_ those are the perfect popsicles, Roxy?"

"Don't know, don't care."

Axel slunk down the wall, a defeated expression on his face. But then he got a _wonderfully_ evil idea.

"Oh, I'll make you care…" he whispered, clapping his hands together and giggling before he vanished into a dark portal.

So Roxas was left alone in the alley, wondering why his best friend was _giggling_ before he left.

**Saix likes popsicles too!**

While it is not known to anyone outside of Organization XIII, there is a large chest freezer in the dungeon of The World That Never Was. This contains a great amount of ice cream and other frozen sweets, so naturally it would have popsicles.

However, there is a slight problem.

The freezer belongs to Saix. Because he patrols the dungeons, whenever they have a prisoner locked up he likes to eat ice cream in front of them while taunting them.

…Sadist.

But seeing as though Saix also _sleeps_ in the dungeon, right next to the freezer, it was going to be very difficult for Axel to retrieve a popsicle without him knowing.

He was going to need some help.

**Someone tell the author to shut up!**

"And what motive what I have to do this?" Demyx crossed his arms and stared fixatedly at Axel. "You've never done anything for me."

"PLEASE?" Axel begged. "I've done stuff for you! I lit those candles for you on your birthday, remember?"

"Axel, you burnt the whole damn cake!"

"Unnecessary fact. The candles were lit, weren't they?"

"..Along with Zexion's hair."

"Hey, that's his fault. If you ask me, I think he was a _little too _eager to be gettin' some of that cake."

Demyx groaned, massaging his temples. "So let me get this straight. You want me to distract Saix while you sneak into his freezer—because you have a popsicle fix?"

Axel clapped a hand on Demyx' shoulder, grinning. "That's a good man! Everybody knows you want to screw Saix anyways!"

Demyx yanked away from Axel, a bright red blush spreading across his nose and ears. "W-what? Who knows-----I don't! AXEL!"

"ALRIGHT, LET US BE OFF!"

**This is totally going somewhere, I swear.**

Demyx cast a death-glare at Axel's back. "I really, _really_ hate you right now…"

"Knew you'd see the light!" Axel cackled. "Ok." He peered around the corner, where the freezer and the door to Saix' room were located. "Remember Demyx, this is important. This is—The Quest for the Perfect Popsicle!" He grabbed Demyx and shoved him in the general direction of Saix' room. "Good luck!" he whispered. "Make a lot of noise, mmkay?"

Demyx was thinking of all the _wonderfully painful_ ways he could kill Axel as he walked over to Saix' door and hesitantly knocked on it.

**Now, to get that popsicle!**

A few minutes after Demyx had successfully gotten into Saix' room, Axel oozed his way over to the freezer. He pried the lid open as quietly as possible and propped it open so he could search the inside carefully.

..Until the lid fell on his head.

"OUCH!"

**"_So err, Saix, what's a perfect popsicle?"_**

****

Demyx was highly uncomfortable. He had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do—well, he knew what he _wanted_ to do, but Saix was just standing there, staring at him with yellow eyes. And the fact that he was sitting on Saix' bed—err, did not make him feel much better. In fact, he thought he might just hurl.

That's when he heard a 'thunk' and an 'OUCH!'

Saix' eyes narrowed and he twirled around. "..What was that?" he asked quietly.

And then, as a gift from the heavens, (perhaps Axel was praying?) Demyx got a bolster of courage.

"W-wait!" he spluttered, rising and grabbing the blue-haired man's arm. Saix spun around to glare at Demyx, but found he couldn't as he was being yanked into a savage kiss.

..If neither of them died, Demyx would have to thank Axel later.

**Axel would have climbed into the freezer to hide, if he had any tolerance for cold weather.**

Axel squatted next to the freezer, holding his breath. He was doomed, he knew it. Eternally damned. Fire and brimstone. Not that he minded it. (Haha, very funny.) He stayed there for a few moments, thinking up a plan to get himself back to Roxas in one piece—at the most, two.

That's when he heard a 'thunk' and an _'Aaah…!'_

Axel released his breath and a nervous giggle at the same time. It seemed Demyx was worth his salt, after all.

This time, Axel was veeery careful to prop up the freezer while fishing through it. Although, if the noises coming from Saix' room were any indication (_Oh **god** Saix yessss…._) he really didn't need to worry about being heard.

He dug around for a few minutes, until—

Aha, Perfect Popsicle spotted.

And now, Phase B began—show Roxas the popsicle.

Mweh.

**Roxas wanted to wait for Axel longer, but he _really _needed to go to the bathroom.**

…Besides, Axel almost always followed him back to his room anyways; he knew where to find him. Sometimes Roxas wondered what it was exactly his best friend wanted, always hanging all over him like that. A few very lewd thoughts popped into his head, and Roxas blushed furiously.

_Shake it off, Roxas._

Moments after he had finished relieving himself, a certain redhead appeared behind him.

"..THE FUCK?" Roxas screamed, hurriedly zipping up his pants. His face returned to the tomato color it had been seconds before.

"Whoops, sorry! Aim was off a little!" Axel apologized, chuckling. "You know how it is…with the portals and everything.."

"GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM!" Roxas screeched, shoving Axel out and slamming the door behind him.

**Axel had some very—interesting idea as to what Roxas was doing in there, but he kept them to himself.**

A few minutes later Roxas emerged from the bathroom looking much more composed, but sporting a death glare that would make Xaldin cry if he caught a glimpse.

Axel temporarily wavered under the icy stare of those gorgeous blue eyes, but got his resolve back when he remembered he had a plan.

"Brought you something!" he clucked, winking at Roxas.

Roxas let out a hefty sigh at Axel's never-ending good mood. He plopped down on the couch next to his best friend, throwing him a sarcastic look. "It's not another prescription to growth help pills, is it? Because that wasn't funny."

Axel pulled a face of mock-hurt. "I was just trying to help you! You're diminutive in the height area!"

Roxas clicked his tongue and picked up the remote to change the channel on the TV.

"Now don't get all pissy." Axel frowned. "Here, I brought a popsicle." He pulled it out of his pocket, where it had rested for the past few minutes.

Roxas blinked in surprise at the frozen cherry ice. "Oh, yeah, I remember you saying something about that. Sorry, don't want one. I just had ice cream, remember?"

Axel did a mental facefault. It's not that having Roxas eat the unnecessary half of the popsicle was the plan, but…

Well, Axel is a pervert. You get the idea.

Axel's shoulders shrugged, ignoring the tantrum his mind was going through. "Whatever. Your loss." He yanked the plastic cover off the double-popsicle, and successfully snapped it into two individuals.

As Roxas was flipping between channels on the TV, Axel began licking up and down the icy sides of the popsicle. Roxas really wasn't paying much attention until he glanced over to check the time.

..Then Wheel of Fortune had never become more interesting.

Roxas blanched and then blushed as Axel sucked on the popsicle and pulled it out of his mouth slowly, licking in circular motions around the top.

"_Oh shit,_" Roxas thought, as all the blood in his body rushed either to his face…or a certain _lower area._

He tried to tear his eyes away…_"Look at the wheel, dammit! THE WHEEL!"_…but it really wasn't working. Axel was sliding what was left of the popsicle in and out of his mouth at a rapid pace, and his red, wet tongue was starting to look more and more inviting. Roxas' imagination went haywire as he imagined Axel's mouth working its magic on a certain _someplace else…_

It was too much for poor Roxas. His 'disinterested' façade came crashing down as he scrambled over the couch arm and squeaked, "Ihavetogotothebathroomexcuseme!"

He didn't make it very far, though. Axel, having just discarded his popsicle stick, grabbed his smaller friend by the ankle and tugged him back onto the couch.

"Roxas…" he cooed. "You _just_ went to the bathroom. Now, methinks…but I'm not sure…that this might have something to do with the popsicle, hmmm?"

This was when the blonde boy gave in. He turned around slowly to look at Axel, who was grinning evily. "Maybe…" he whispered.

Axel's open mouth came crashing down on top of Roxas', pushing him back against the arm of the couch. Roxas' eyes widened in surprise, but that soon faded away as he pressed back, his and Axel's tongues intertwining.

Eventually they had to break for air, as even Nobodies have to breath.

"So, Roxy," Axel said, panting. "You get why it's the perfect popsicle?"

Roxas nodded.

"Well then…" Axel situated himself so that he was laying between Roxas' legs. "Any objections if I do that to you?"

So he WAS right. Axel did have something he was after.

Huzzah!

"None," Roxas gasped.

**--The End

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**(Any attempts to kill the author for ending it there will not, I repeat, not be appreciated.) **

**Review? (hopeful eyes)**


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